you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
