Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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