i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
