I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize