Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
