i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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