"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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