you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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