Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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