Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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