sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
