I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Boobs are out for the taking
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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