There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
