well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
