no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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