if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
