at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
