omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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