you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
