none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
