the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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