To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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