it hurts more in the daytime
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bring money and cleavage
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
