I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
