i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
