so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
