I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
