At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
