i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
