Sry I called you an 8
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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