just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
