at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
