I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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