Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
