how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she told me i tasted like america
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
