Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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