What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
