my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
sex in a hospital.. check
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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