dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
