I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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