last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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