I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize