just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
