First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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