Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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