How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
