im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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