Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
