You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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