I am puke
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
