cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
