A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
