he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
