I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
