I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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