so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
