There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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