It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
