The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
