You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
