i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
