anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize