I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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