Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
