Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
