"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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