it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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