i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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