They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize