do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
