I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize