Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
