ya dads aren't the best wingmen
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
