I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize