I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
